Springtime in Holland

Happy Spring!  

Happy Holland!

https://lydiaroseriggs.blogspot.com/2015/08/loving-holland.html

We are still in Holland.  We may always be in Holland.  Only time will tell.  It's beautiful here this time of year.  

When I go back to my original Holland post I still cry.  It's still hard to think back and not know what it's like to have a newborn at home, what it's like to feed your baby from a bottle, what it's like to need a baby monitor because your baby doesn't sleep in a crib in the living room with a nurse.  I quickly snap out of it and hug and squeeze Lydia and cover her in kisses because I have her and I love her with my whole being.

Sometimes, if I dwell on it, I still feel cheated by the experience.  

I never feel cheated with the child.  Lydia is the love of our lives. 

"But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

"And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland."