We left for the long drive through rush hour traffic to Children's Mercy Hospital in separate cars thinking we might get good news and go back to work after the appointment. Our appointment was at 8:00am at the Fetal Health Center. We went first to a room for the fetal heart echo. I was warm and uncomfortable. It was here that I learned of my polyhydramnios, a medical condition describing an excess of amniotic fluid that is seen in about 1% of pregnancies. To give you an idea of the amount of fluid I was carrying, at 36 weeks pregnant I was measuring 45 weeks pregnant. Because of this the camera had to be pushed extra hard on my belly to see through me, the fluid and into Lydia's heart. It was very hard to lay flat and breathe and have your stomach pushed on in a hot room when you're stressing about what the doctor will find.
That all took about an hour. We then when to a consultation room and waited. Waited for someone to bring us water. Waited for someone to put Kleenex on the table. Waited for the cardiologist to read the echo. After what seemed like a lot more time than it was, Lori and Dr. Goudar came in, a Nurse Practitioner and Cardiologist. They explained that Lydia had a hypoplastic arch and a VSD, so a small aortic arch and a hole in her heart. Yes, this news would change later on, but for now this is what we knew. Those streaming tears without sniffles and sobs came back through the entire morning. I was furiously scribbling notes to research later...I was scribbling in the journal Dan bought me on our 3rd Wedding Anniversary to use as a pregnancy journal that turned into more of a medical notebook.
We also met with Kara from Social Work and Jennifer from Genetics. No one really told us much after the news about her heart. They were gathering information on us to make sure we had the support we would need. We'd find out more from the Geneticist later on, too.
What we knew for sure that day is that we'd have an appointment every Wednesday morning for the next 10 weeks with Dr. Bennett, my new OB. We wouldn't see Dr. Newby anymore. We wouldn't go to Overland Park Regional anymore. We wouldn't know what to do anymore. We would fall apart and put ourselves back together several times. We would tell our family and closest friends one at a time. We would have times where we would stare into space and wonder why and how.
We would put on a brave face the next day because it was my baby shower day...
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Wow, your ability to push through your baby shower after just hearing this news is amazing. I think often that I wish I had known about my son's heart issue prior to his birth. Your post makes me think maybe it was better I didn't. I realize there are pros and cons to both ways. It's amazing to look back on days that were dark and sad and then look at the sparkling eyes of our children now!
ReplyDeleteI've gone back and forth about that too. Would it have been better not to have known and risked so much more? My pregnancy would have been normal! My hopes and dreams and wishes wouldn't have been skewed. The way it happened wasn't shocked, I educated myself, I knew the new way of doing things as best I could. Definitely pros and cons both ways and in the end it doesn't matter because Lydia matters.
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