1 year ago today - the tough day

One year ago today we had our 2nd sonogram with the Midwest Perinatal Associates.  Lydia had measured small at her 20 week sonogram and at the 1st visit with Midwest Perinatal they just thought she was small and wanted to do another follow-up.  Fast forward to one year ago today.

Dan and I met at Overland Park Regional and were in the exam room.  The technician did the sonogram and then Dr. Finley came in.  He didn't comment on any of the images but looked a little more for himself.  He kept focusing on her heart and not saying anything.  I just knew it there was something wrong and I began to worry.  

He finally stopped and had me sit up.  We had already had 3 sonograms at this point and his wasn't reacting the same as any of the others before.  He was hesitating, he was breaking bad news, he was preparing for something.  He said that Lydia's aorta looked small and that we would need to go to Children's Mercy Hospital for a Fetal Heart Echo.  

After that I only remember tears that wouldn't stop, but not real sobbing.  I just cried for what seems like hours.  Dad and I were led out the side door of the office and went straight to our cars.  I put my sunglasses on, the white ones, so I didn't have to look anyone in the eye.  We went to my car and he made sure I could drive home.  He followed me every step of the way.  I drove home in silence with tears streaming, no sobs, no sniffles, just tears for 45 blocks.  

We sat on the couch and stared.  We didn't talk much.  I remember I was sitting with my legs crossed and my head was on Dan's shoulder.  Then my phone rang.  It was Children's Mercy calling to schedule the echo for April 10th.  After we scheduled with them Dan called my parents and then his parents to let them know what was going on.  

I don't remember anything else.  We managed to sleep, mainly from exhaustion I think.  We managed to work the next day but I remember just keeping my head down and staying quiet.  I didn't tell anyone.

Now, fast forward another year to today.  In the big picture, none of that matters.  It was a test of faith and perseverance and toughness.  Dan and I had no clue we could carry this.  It put things in perspective.  Unbelievably,  we were the right two for the job.  Lydia amazes us every day and gives us more reasons to smile than we ever thought possible.  

People ask how we do it.  My answer is always, "I know nothing else.  This is normal parenthood for me because I have no experiences of my own to compare it to.  You just do it."  You just love those sweetcheeks every single day!